Tonight I was sitting watching Madi and Ali’s Zumba class.  I was thinking about Ali and how difficult Zumba must be for her even though I know that she loves the class and looks forward to it.  I’ve had several people at school tell me that Ali is giving Zumba lessons in the hallways so I know that she’s excited to be there but sometimes watching it is really hard for me.  As hard as she tries, it’s very difficult for her to keep up.  She often ends up facing the back of the room or with her eyes caught up in the lights.  She can’t really see what the instructor is doing but she can see the kids all around her dancing so she spins around and around trying to copy someone.  Madi is an incredible help to Ali in that class.  She guides her little sister around the dance floor and keeps her on track, often spinning her around and reminding her to watch the instructor.  Even with all of Madi’s help, it’s a really fast pace for Ali and it hurts my heart to watch how much she struggles to keep up.  I wish that Madi could just dance and not worry about Ali but she seems to have taken on the role of Ali’s guide in the class and I’m very proud of her for that.  Zumba really highlights Ali’s differences for me which is why I struggle to watch it despite the fact that I know she’s having fun.  Thankfully, I can always trust Ali to remind me what a miracle she is.  Today, she was dancing away and she hopped!  She actually left the ground and landed on her feet!  It was the first time in her life that she’s managed to get off the ground while trying to hop and she looked so proud!  She absolutely beamed as she turned to me and although I couldn’t hear what she said,  I saw her lips moving and am pretty sure she said, “Mommy, I did it!”  The pride on her little face made the sadness that I was feeling at the moment go away and instead I sat there thinking about how lucky I was that I saw that.  I get to see all her little miracles.  I’ve been struggling lately with her diagnosis.  I know it’s been a long time since we found out that Ali has Costello Syndrome but I still go through really difficult times when I wonder why this happened to her.   I don’t even understand why I still struggle sometimes, all I know is that I do and that sometimes, I still feel an incredible amount of sadness for her.  When I watch her at Zumba or with her typical classmates, it’s hard not to think about what life would have been like had Costello Syndrome never entered our lives.  But Ali always finds a way to show me that she’s okay exactly when I need her to.