Today I was thinking about a day not so long ago when my mom, who is an amazing support, attempted in my presence to ask our GI specialist  what the worst case scenario was for Ali in terms of feeding. I think she was attempting to find out if we needed to be prepared for a G-tube later down the line. I, in my infinite wisdom basically told the specialist that I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want any part of a G-tube for Ali and in my opinion it wasn’t going to happen and I didn’t care what he thought.

So much has happened since then. Ali has struggled so much and although there have been many, many good times, I think she’s seen more then her share of problems. I guess that’s what makes me feel so much relief about this G-tube now that she has it. This is something that I didn’t want. We fought like hell to avoid it and in the end when we decided to ask for the G-tube referal I felt defeated. I shed tears over this right up to the minute she went into surgery and to be honest I felt like we failed her.   But now, here I sit next to this beautiful child and I feel more hope then I’ve felt in a long time. This is a new start for Ali, the change in her is already huge. So now I don’t feel like we failed her anymore and I think she’s been trying to tell us that we made the rigth descision too because she’s been laughing away. It’s like she’s saying, “Watch me and see what I can do!”.  She’s amazing.