Before I post this, I want to say that Ali has had some incredible teachers and TAs.  She has been very lucky to always feel loved and valued at school and we are thankful for that.  I know that it’s tough to deal with parents of children with special needs, like our children we are all different and some of us need more guidance than others but we all need to feel like people see potential in our kids.

To The Teacher That Told Me That She Would Fall Behind Immediately,

It was the beginning of a new school year and I brought my beautiful daughter to your classroom to meet you.  She was so excited to start her school year and you had an amazing opportunity to get to know an incredible little girl.  This is a child who has beaten the odds several times just by surviving.  She has so much to give to the world. After talking to you for a while and telling you all about how amazing she is (because you looked doubtful), you told me that you expected the gap to open between her and the other children “immediately”.  I was shocked, not because I didn’t already know that but because you actually said it.  I ignored it.  You said it again!  Those words have gone through my head several times this year because at that moment I lost faith in your desire to teach my daughter, I doubted that you would find value in spending time with her and I spent my year worrying that you were simply pushing social skills and not giving her the time she deserves to actually be educated.  I didn’t say anything to you.  I just finished the meeting, tried to smile and left with my beautiful, smart, capable daughter and I cried on the way home because we live in a world where even teachers prejudge children with special needs.

But the thing is that every child deserves to come into the classroom at the beginning of the school year and show their new teacher what they CAN do before the teacher decides what they can’t.  It doesn’t matter if they have special needs or not, you teach because you want to help little people learn and some little people learn more slowly or differently but they all have strengths and you should be building on that, not deciding before they even set foot into your classroom what they can and cannot do.   You misinterpreted my pride and excitement about all the things that she can do as a lack of understanding of where she stands academically and that’s not fair.  I know exactly where she stands cognitively, I’ve been her mom for 8 years and I’ve struggled along with her to help her learn and develop.   I’m still proud of her.  Every parent gets to be proud of their child, it’s one of life’s biggest joys and in my case it isn’t dependent on cognitive ability and it’s not your job to squash that before you even get to know a child.

You reminded me mid-way through the school year that getting her to a point of basic literacy was going to be hard.  Thanks for that.  I think you need to understand that if families like mine backed away from things that were tough, our children wouldn’t get very far in life.  We just don’t have that option. You need to be on our side, building our children up and helping them reach for the stars no matter how difficult it is.   I know it’s just one year for you and yes, I know it’s a lot of work but you have the opportunity to have so much impact on these little people with challenges.  I sincerely hope you always take that opportunity because part of what helps children flourish is when people around them believe in them.

So in closing, I appreciate all the effort you made to teach her.  She really liked being in your class and she had a great year.  We are so incredibly proud of how far she’s come and we know that it’s because of the village around her that helps push her forward and the amazing people who believe in her despite her differences and the path that she’s on.  We know that people work very hard to help her succeed and we are grateful every day for people who love her and encourage her.  I don’t know if you ever saw her for the amazing, capable, intelligent little girl that she is but I trust that you know what a privilege it is to be part of her story because she’s going to do great things with her life and we are all fortunate to be part of that!

Sincerely,

A Very Proud Mom